nerer thought

omg, i'm going back to work on Wednesday! i'm so excited lol. its going to be great. i can't wait to be around adults on a daily basis again and not have to listen to a cranky baby all day =) Ryder is still being a super pain. he's got bad gas most of the time, but its more then just that and i can't put my finger on it. there's nothing wrong, he gets what he needs. changed, fed, burped, walked, snuggled etc. but it's not what he's looking for. idk...he's got a doctors appt the first week of november so i'll ask what else could be going on if he hasn't calmed down by then. i myself am going for my 6 week postpartum appt tomorrow and i cannot wait lol. wanna get back on birth control cuz NO MORE BABIES for me. like ever. im done. guys suck and never want to take responsibility so i'm done lol. 2 bad apples spoiled it for the whole bunch. oh wells

+1 please

i am already sick to death of being a single parent. the stress of doing everything alone 24/7 is dirivng me crazy. i'm not the motherly type to begin with so it really kills me to listen to a crying baby every single day and have so much of my sleep taken from me. i should have someone sharing the load and helping. but no. Mike Jones forever the dead beat would rather have me living in my own personal hell. i can't wait to find someone new who loves me and cares enough to be there for Ryder and i.

my not to little little one

well Ryder weighs 9.4 now. he's getting so big! and he really needs to learn the difference between night and day cuz man oh man is he killing me. i still jaded by the fact that i have like no help. it drives me nuts. poor baby deserves to have a daddy and lord knows when he ever will. im in no run to get into another relationship and Mike is never going to change or step up. its a shame cuz Ryder is probably the best child he'll ever have. i can't wait to pick up his one month pictures in a couple of weeks!! and i've already got ideas for his 3 month pics =) excited!

thank goondess

well i got that break i wanted =) it was nice. also.... michael jones and christine hill.... grow up and get lives. stop obesssing about me and mine, thanks. any who. Ryder's doing great. he's got a doctors appt tommorrow. i wonder how much weight he's gained. he's been a good boy lately. went shopping a few days ago with my bff, got a few things. still need a play pen and i'd like to get a toy box for the bed room cuz the plastic draws i have sucks. also i have to figure out when i might go back to work. going to be tough to find a sitter. hopefully everything will work out.

can i get a...

break?? please lol....for for like 12 hours.. the past few days/nights have been rough. Ryder has been super bitchy and its driving me a little nuts. its diaper, bottle, diaper and scream a ton in between. and yea yea yea, i know its normal and compared to a lot of babies he is super easy..but i still need a break from the screaming and crying. i don't have help, i have just me. so once in a while, i need me time...alone....or with nothing but grown ups... sigh

not what i signed up for

so being a single parent 24/7 with little to no help at all from anyone def sucks. not gonna lie or sugar coat it. i wish there was someone else to help lighten the load. not fair that i'm on call 24/7 365 lol but whatever. i must say i have a great baby on my hands and i'm lucky he's so easy going and laid back. just wish he had a father in his life. but mike has proven that it will never happen. he's so far into his own world he doesn't see what he's losing out on. oh well though. it bothers me and hurts me but there's nothing i can do about it. when he's old and alone maybe it will hit him, all that he left behind. on a lighter note, i've already lost a lot of the baby weight i put on. i just gotta start working on the belly once i'm healed enough =) def want to be bikini ready for next summer, cuz i plan on being a beach bum =)

Welcome baby Ryder!!

Ryder William was born on 9/03/11 at 6:04am weighing 6.9lb!! i love my little pookster so much =) i took so lovely castor oil the night of my due date and hours later, boom, i was in labor. i headed to the hospital at about 3am saturday morning, spent about an hour in triage, got in my room. was there for maybe half hour 45 min, got my epi, then within an hour...actually less Ryder was born. only pushed for a few mintues and out he came. it was a very nice, calm birth and i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. he is by far the best that that has ever happened to me and the best thing in my life. i couldn't ask for a better baby. he does so well sleeping and eating and letting me rest. i can only imagine how wonderful the holidays will be having him here =) so excited for my new life with him. i think he saved me from a life of "good enough". now i aspire to do more, to do better and give him everything and anything he could ever want or need. so in love <3

ok, let's go

come on baby!! getting really sick of being pregnant lol. can never get comfortable. it sucks. sleeping at night is horrible. between tossing and turing and having to pee i really wonder how many hours i end up getting. i almost don't want to know =P also i've been bummed out since last week. it seems all my friends have left me in the dust. i need the more now then ever and i can't get anyone to hang out or anything. yet they all told me they'd be there for me...and for the baby. yea, ok. feels more like i'm on my own again. nothing i can do about it either. i've tried to hang out, but i'm not going to beg and plead. sigh...come on baby!!

almost there

well i'm creeping up on my due date...its this friday. finally got the last bit of things done today that was looming over me. now to get some other errands ran this week and i should be good to go. can't wait to have my little guy =) i'm getting so excited and nervous lol. wondering if he's going to be early, on time or late...hummm.....i'm hoping close to on time.

too stressed for my own good

well per usual i am stressed out. things that should have been days ago...or even weeks ago still aren't done. it's annoying and everyday i'm closer to my due date and its driving me nuts. i just want to relax for a bit before baby comes but instead i'm running around all the time. i still have to pack my hospital bag, this storm is coming in the next few days and i'm praying i make it till at least monday without going into labor. i've been getting mild contractions on and off since early last week. so i'm worried the timing won't be the best but i'm crossing my fingers that everything works out and goes smoothly. still waiting on TDI to be able to collect. they sent a letter the other day saying i didn't make enough for the time they looked at so they will look at different times and see. which i know i made enough because i was in contact with UI and they told me i was good to go, which means i should have no issues getting TDI because they pull from the same money. blah...

day out

spend the day at the Cape. it was nice, and needed. it was the Caoe Verdean Fest. didn't get to the beach, but it would have been boring since i didn't have any friends with me. made a cute bracelet in honor or me and baby =) came out cute. hoping to get a few things i need tomorrow. looks like next weekend i might be able to actually relax. god i hope its true! i feel so big lately and my ribs hurt so bad from this little one kicking me so much. sleeping sucks at this point, can't get comfortable any more. its bad. i just want to get settle and rest so i can regroup before i go into labor.

another man's trash

got a ton of stuff oer to my brother's friend who is pregnant. some times i feel like i'm planning daddy to that poor baby since his parents can't seem to understand how much a baby needs. i gave them a contractor's bag worth of clothing, a tub, crib, bassinet, mobile, play mat, changing table, swing and other odds and ends. they mananged to get a car seat on their own and i hope to god the got a stoller since either of the drives or owns a car and need that more then a car seat. i have most of what i need, just need a swing for now and a high chair and play pen at some point. i plan to start stocking up on diapers and wipes once i get my next check. i can't wait to be settled and alset for this little one.

finally!

finally got the ok from my midwife to stop working. thank god!! i am so run down, tired and sore its crazy. i just hope i get things togehter and ready in time for my little man. hopefully i'll have more time to get on here and write. lately its been tough since i had been working so much. thankfully i'll be able to rest for a few weeks, god willing.

ima hustler

yea, been working my butt off. since i went back to work last wednesday i've been going non-stop. had friday off for a doctor's appointmment. got myself a note for light duty at work and hoping next time i go and i stop working all together. its getting too tough and painful. now i don't have another day off until sunday. im trying to work as much as possible till my next appointment so i can have some checks coming in while i wait for TDI or UI to clear. hopefully everything goes smoothly!

can we say tired?

well friday was a great day. went to the beach and had a blast. can't wait to do that again. saturday-monday i went camping in VT with some friends. it was fun. i'm sore and tired but it was so worth it. sunday we spent the day driving around and going to swimming holes. baby seemed to get a kick out of me getting in the water. he's flip flop around. it was funny. i ened up not going to work today since i was so sore and tired but since i'm picking up 4 extra days for the months so i think its ok to allow myself an extra day rest. i have a doctor appointment friday then i work saturday and sunday. fun fun. but it will be worth it when the checks come in. i'm never gonna catch up on bills if i don't try to work till the very last minute but its really starting to take a toll on me. i'm always tired and sore, even just from a low impact day of work. i'd love to be able to go out a few weeks before my due date but i dont think it's going to happen. at this point i'm still looking for a place to live once the baby comes. i'm so stressed its not funny.

is it friday yet?

the stuff i tie-dyed came out cute. did a second batch with different colors that came out cool too. can't wait to sell it and have people enjoy the fruits of my labor =) i have beach plans for friday. heading down to the cape with a friend for the day to get some sun. it will be my first trip to the beach this summer. i can't believe it took so long. last summer i pretty much lived at the beach. oh well. least i'm going. over the weekend i'll be camping with a bunch of friends and it will probably be the best part of my summer. baby keeps digging and kicking my ribs and it hurts so bad. ouch!! i'm going to the doctor every two weeks now...then before i know it, i'll be going every week. i have no clue what to do about my living situation. i'm getting worried. i hope to hear back from some places i applied too but so far i'm only on the waiting list of one complex.

well thats not bad

So i got some stuff tie-dyes today and I can't wait to see how it came out =) So excited lol. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and have to leave work a little early then gonna be running around with a friend doing errands and getting ready for the yardsale on Saturday. I hope I can get a little bit of money so I can start stocking up on bottles and diapers! I also might pick up a few extra days of work this month. I have my fingers crossed. It'd be nice since I'm behind on rent. I really need to catch up.

head down

My 4th of July this year wasn't bad. Went to a cook out and parade with Tiff and her family. Ate a ton of food lol, I was a piggy. Now this little guy of mine has his head down....like right on my bladder. Can we say having to pee every 5 minutes?? I ran to the bathroom like a million times at work today. This week feels like it's crawling by. And its gonna feel longer since I'm working Friday to make up for having Monday off. Have a yardsale to go to on Saturday at Danielle's mom's house. Hoping to sell a few things I don't need and start saving money to put towards a crib, swing and playpen. I have a doctors appointment Friday, I have to get evry 2 weeks now, then before I know it it's gonna be ever week. I'm getting so close to my due date and freaking out a little. I need to get so much done before the baby comes. I really want to move but its looking like that won't happen =( And I need to figure out a game plan for baby sitters so I can get back to school or work once I'm ready and healed. Not in a hurry to get back in the game, but I'm not going to be able to sit on my butt long, I'm gonna need money and I don't want to be in the house 24/7 I'll go crazy.

what a week

So working the temp job this past week kicked my ass! But it was worth it to not lose a whole weeks pay. I got a lot of apartment applications filled out, a few in the mail and the rest I need to make copies of stuff before I can send them back. But I got a lot done this week thankfully. Paid some bills, did some shopping and today I'm gonna take a drive and try to get my hands on a tie-dye kit and maybe a treat for dinner....hummm. We'll see. Looking forward to a nice hot shower later. Have to pick up my mom and her bf from the bus station tonight. I really dislike 4th of July weekend. Theres never anything to do...well I never get invited to do anything I should say and its usually just boring. I can't believe I only have 2 more months till my little guy is here. So excited and so nervous! I hope I can get the rest of the things I need in the next few weeks.

he's a funny one

So my ex said through a friend that he wants his video camera back....well maybe if you want something from me you should contact me since you have my number and know where I live. I'm not playing games or dealing with middle men. You want something from me, get a hold of me and talk to me yourself. One a lighter note I got some more good stuff yesterday and am feeling better about having enough clothing for baby. Crossing my fingers I can get a crib and a swing soon. As over the situation as I am with my ex, it still gets to me how he can be so uncaring and how my supposed best friend could do this to me. Its crazy. But I'm trying not to stress because I know how bad it is one the baby. Hopefully some day people will grow up, and it would be nice if it was before it was too late.

Shower =)

I had my bay shower today. Didn't get much but got a few things I really needed. I got the infant car seat/carrier and the matching stroller. I also got a Bobby Lounger, towel set, bath goodies, wipes, 2 blankets, 2 outfits, bibs, baby bank, bath gel and some other little things. I still need to some how get a crib, swing or seat and a high chair. And I also need more bottles....only have like 4 so far and I need to get a supply of diapers going. Don't know how I'm gonna manage yet but hopefully I'll be able to. All in all today was a very good day and as much as I still need to get, I am so thankful for what I was given.

rain rain go away!

Wow am I sick of all this rain...do I love in Providence, RI or Seattle, WA? Its annoying and a little depressing. But any way....on vacation from work till July 5th...thank god I picked up temp work for next week so I won't lose another full week of pay. That would suck. Tomorrow is gonna be suck a busy day....gotta run errands, go to DHS, apply for apartments, doctors appointmet and start getting things ready for my baby shower. All worth it, but I'm gonna be so pooped by the end of it all. Still struggling to get over the events of the past week. I find my mind wondering oftern thinking about how, why, what ifs..its annoying that I can't just shut my brain off. I think I'm dealing with it all better then I would have in the past though so I guess go me...I have a real feeling I won't be getting much at my shower...there's like no one coming. It sucks feeling like my friends and family don't even care enough to respond to an RSVP...sigh...anyone wanna jump on board and help get stuff on my registry?

things can always get worse

So just when I think things are as bad as they can be...I found out today why I was deleted and blcoked from facebook....becasue Michael Jones is now in a relationship with Christine H, my former bestfriend. And neither of them have the balls to pick up a phone or answer a text. Its redic. I have never been so hurt or pissed off in my life. And now she's airing all my dirty laundry to him and he's talking shit about me on his page. Real mature and nice people....its just awesome to see I can't trust anyone these days.

nothing gets better

So, my baby's father gives me more reasons to dislike him. He avoided me just about all week then decided he'd hang out for a bit last night. Yet today when I got home from a day of errands I find myself both deleted and blocked from facebook. Not sure why since I do nothing against him, let him get away with way too much and always keep things nice and civil. But on a better note, I've gotten a few things I needed for this little guy once he's born. Not much, but every little bit counts. My baby shower will be next weekend and so far only a few people have said they were coming. It makes me nervous since there's still so much I need and I just don't have the faith that I'll get even half of it. I'm trying to stay positive and keep my head off but it's harder then others some days and today is one of those days. I need a back rub and a hug.

rants and raves

I'm currently 6 months pregnant. Expecting a bouncing baby boy is Septmeber. I'm on and off with his father...mostly off since he refuses to grow up. I do my best to keep a level head but the stress of finances and everthing is really starting to get to me. I work part time and its not enough to pay the bills any more. I've been looking for a second job for months with no luck and the bigger my belly gets the harder it is to find anything. And my apartment isn't the best place to bring a baby home to and I'm trying to hard to find something else with no luck. I just don't have the money and theres just no help out there for me since I make just a little too much to get anything from the state. Always got my fingers crossed something good comes along.