nerer thought

omg, i'm going back to work on Wednesday! i'm so excited lol. its going to be great. i can't wait to be around adults on a daily basis again and not have to listen to a cranky baby all day =) Ryder is still being a super pain. he's got bad gas most of the time, but its more then just that and i can't put my finger on it. there's nothing wrong, he gets what he needs. changed, fed, burped, walked, snuggled etc. but it's not what he's looking for. idk...he's got a doctors appt the first week of november so i'll ask what else could be going on if he hasn't calmed down by then. i myself am going for my 6 week postpartum appt tomorrow and i cannot wait lol. wanna get back on birth control cuz NO MORE BABIES for me. like ever. im done. guys suck and never want to take responsibility so i'm done lol. 2 bad apples spoiled it for the whole bunch. oh wells

+1 please

i am already sick to death of being a single parent. the stress of doing everything alone 24/7 is dirivng me crazy. i'm not the motherly type to begin with so it really kills me to listen to a crying baby every single day and have so much of my sleep taken from me. i should have someone sharing the load and helping. but no. Mike Jones forever the dead beat would rather have me living in my own personal hell. i can't wait to find someone new who loves me and cares enough to be there for Ryder and i.

my not to little little one

well Ryder weighs 9.4 now. he's getting so big! and he really needs to learn the difference between night and day cuz man oh man is he killing me. i still jaded by the fact that i have like no help. it drives me nuts. poor baby deserves to have a daddy and lord knows when he ever will. im in no run to get into another relationship and Mike is never going to change or step up. its a shame cuz Ryder is probably the best child he'll ever have. i can't wait to pick up his one month pictures in a couple of weeks!! and i've already got ideas for his 3 month pics =) excited!

thank goondess

well i got that break i wanted =) it was nice. also.... michael jones and christine hill.... grow up and get lives. stop obesssing about me and mine, thanks. any who. Ryder's doing great. he's got a doctors appt tommorrow. i wonder how much weight he's gained. he's been a good boy lately. went shopping a few days ago with my bff, got a few things. still need a play pen and i'd like to get a toy box for the bed room cuz the plastic draws i have sucks. also i have to figure out when i might go back to work. going to be tough to find a sitter. hopefully everything will work out.

can i get a...

break?? please lol....for for like 12 hours.. the past few days/nights have been rough. Ryder has been super bitchy and its driving me a little nuts. its diaper, bottle, diaper and scream a ton in between. and yea yea yea, i know its normal and compared to a lot of babies he is super easy..but i still need a break from the screaming and crying. i don't have help, i have just me. so once in a while, i need me time...alone....or with nothing but grown ups... sigh

not what i signed up for

so being a single parent 24/7 with little to no help at all from anyone def sucks. not gonna lie or sugar coat it. i wish there was someone else to help lighten the load. not fair that i'm on call 24/7 365 lol but whatever. i must say i have a great baby on my hands and i'm lucky he's so easy going and laid back. just wish he had a father in his life. but mike has proven that it will never happen. he's so far into his own world he doesn't see what he's losing out on. oh well though. it bothers me and hurts me but there's nothing i can do about it. when he's old and alone maybe it will hit him, all that he left behind. on a lighter note, i've already lost a lot of the baby weight i put on. i just gotta start working on the belly once i'm healed enough =) def want to be bikini ready for next summer, cuz i plan on being a beach bum =)

Welcome baby Ryder!!

Ryder William was born on 9/03/11 at 6:04am weighing 6.9lb!! i love my little pookster so much =) i took so lovely castor oil the night of my due date and hours later, boom, i was in labor. i headed to the hospital at about 3am saturday morning, spent about an hour in triage, got in my room. was there for maybe half hour 45 min, got my epi, then within an hour...actually less Ryder was born. only pushed for a few mintues and out he came. it was a very nice, calm birth and i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. he is by far the best that that has ever happened to me and the best thing in my life. i couldn't ask for a better baby. he does so well sleeping and eating and letting me rest. i can only imagine how wonderful the holidays will be having him here =) so excited for my new life with him. i think he saved me from a life of "good enough". now i aspire to do more, to do better and give him everything and anything he could ever want or need. so in love <3