can i get a...

break?? please lol....for for like 12 hours.. the past few days/nights have been rough. Ryder has been super bitchy and its driving me a little nuts. its diaper, bottle, diaper and scream a ton in between. and yea yea yea, i know its normal and compared to a lot of babies he is super easy..but i still need a break from the screaming and crying. i don't have help, i have just me. so once in a while, i need me time...alone....or with nothing but grown ups... sigh

not what i signed up for

so being a single parent 24/7 with little to no help at all from anyone def sucks. not gonna lie or sugar coat it. i wish there was someone else to help lighten the load. not fair that i'm on call 24/7 365 lol but whatever. i must say i have a great baby on my hands and i'm lucky he's so easy going and laid back. just wish he had a father in his life. but mike has proven that it will never happen. he's so far into his own world he doesn't see what he's losing out on. oh well though. it bothers me and hurts me but there's nothing i can do about it. when he's old and alone maybe it will hit him, all that he left behind. on a lighter note, i've already lost a lot of the baby weight i put on. i just gotta start working on the belly once i'm healed enough =) def want to be bikini ready for next summer, cuz i plan on being a beach bum =)

Welcome baby Ryder!!

Ryder William was born on 9/03/11 at 6:04am weighing 6.9lb!! i love my little pookster so much =) i took so lovely castor oil the night of my due date and hours later, boom, i was in labor. i headed to the hospital at about 3am saturday morning, spent about an hour in triage, got in my room. was there for maybe half hour 45 min, got my epi, then within an hour...actually less Ryder was born. only pushed for a few mintues and out he came. it was a very nice, calm birth and i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. he is by far the best that that has ever happened to me and the best thing in my life. i couldn't ask for a better baby. he does so well sleeping and eating and letting me rest. i can only imagine how wonderful the holidays will be having him here =) so excited for my new life with him. i think he saved me from a life of "good enough". now i aspire to do more, to do better and give him everything and anything he could ever want or need. so in love <3

ok, let's go

come on baby!! getting really sick of being pregnant lol. can never get comfortable. it sucks. sleeping at night is horrible. between tossing and turing and having to pee i really wonder how many hours i end up getting. i almost don't want to know =P also i've been bummed out since last week. it seems all my friends have left me in the dust. i need the more now then ever and i can't get anyone to hang out or anything. yet they all told me they'd be there for me...and for the baby. yea, ok. feels more like i'm on my own again. nothing i can do about it either. i've tried to hang out, but i'm not going to beg and plead. sigh...come on baby!!